Trojan Fever: 2013
 
 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Daily Trojan: A Look Back at the Fever



September has been a tumultuous month for the student body--the weather has been hot, the school has been hard, and, of course, people have grown horns.

The first week of October was a blur. Die-hard fans were still reeling from the football loss (or maybe from the dizziness associated with the fever). Sorority girls in Pi Beta Phi were actually freaking out about how their Halloween costumes would look too much like their arch enemies in Kappa Alpha Theta. Midterms were impossible between the hysterical laughter and wails hidden by violent hiccups. Not to mention EVK was a little more rough on people's stomachs this week.

October 10th rolled around, and it was Gameday. More incentive for people to get in the fountains, you could say. But then, something miraculous happened. And I'm not talking about the holes some of the players had to cut in their helmets to accommodate their horns.

As the USC Trojans began to rally against the Arizona Wildcats, students at tailgates across the residential halls noticed feeling less giggly. They could eat their Ruffles chips and hot dogs without feeling sick. Slowly but surely, the "V" for victory that had been sprouting from their heads began to recede. After the Trojans pulled off a 62-21 victory, there were no more reported cases of Trojan Fever. Students once again played in the fountain for leisure rather than necessity, and people stopped trying to exorcise their demons in the Lyon Center.



Was it a ghost? The Trojan Spirit? Was it a loss of faith in our school, our pride, our identity? Was it just a biological mystery? We might never know. But at least we know that, as always, we can fight on.
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Exclusive: Keck School of Medicine Virology Report on Project TRFV, "Trojan Fever" September 15, 2013

Keck School of Medicine Reports 2013: doi:10.1136/bcr-2013-200946

CASE REPORT


Troius febris pathology indeterminate



Department of Virology, Keck School of Medicine, Los Angeles, California

SUMMARY

Infectious diseases are naturally more prevalent in close-quartered living, a trend that was often seen in the tenement-style housing during the Industrial Revolution. It is not surprising a highly contagious pathogen can be hosted in these conditions, particularly when considering the warm, hospitable climate. However, a disease that can cause such rapid phenotypic mutations has yet to be studied, let alone documented. A case is reported here of a 19-year-old woman with symptoms of nausea, uncontrollable laughing and contractions of the diaphragm (hiccuping), as well as cutaneous horn growth. One week prior to admission she reported surveying the demolishing cite of the University of Southern California's former Student Health Center (SHC); at this location she was exposed to airborne particles that have been released from the ground during excavation. There was no significant medical history. She took no regular medications and had no known allergies. Her mother had been against childhood vaccinations due to the adverse publicity associated with them. An examination conducted at Engemann Student Health Center revealed pulse of 110 bpm, normal blood pressure and slight fever at 37.5 degrees Celsius. Samples were taken from blood, cheek and throat.

Upon further examination of the samples, in addition to the others that were collected after the spike in incidents, it became evident that this was a new pathogen to modern medicine. Though various tests were performed, scientists were unable to sequence the viral RNA to indicate any homology with other known diseases. The virus did not respond to any antibiotics. A problem researchers encountered was the odd disappearance of any trace of infection in samples after 48 hours. This is particularly unusual considering the patient still experienced the symptoms of the disease; however, after being stained and examined under the light microscope, there was no evidence of any unusual deviation from the norm. Thus, the pathology of what has been commonly referred to as "Trojan Fever" is currently unknown and unable to be determined with existing technology.



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Official Statement from USC President C. L. Max Nikias

C. L. Max Nikias
Statement by C. L. Max Nikias, President, University of Southern California, on the Trojan Fever outbreak and the impact on student and campus life

Students:

I understand that now is a troubling time for the University. There is confusion and panic, misunderstanding and fear. There are questions, and even more concerns.

My desire for you, dear students, now more than ever, is to embrace your digital literacy. As we can see from this horrible epidemic, as the future actors in civil society you must recognize that the media will play an increasing role in how we perceive the world we live in. I urge you to question the verity of news sources. To question the culture of fear. To act with responsibility, to base these actions on informed perspectives.

You must not forget in times of trial and tribulation that we are, and always will be, the Trojan Family. We will fight on. Do not forget, either, the qualities that make you a Trojan; the characteristics that we as a University saw in you. Each and every individual at the University of Southern California has been hand-selected, has been chosen. You have been chosen because we believe that you can succeed in this challenging environment we find ourselves in today.

Be faithful. To those surrounding you, to those trying to help you. Trust. Trust in yourself, your professors, and trust in the University of Southern California.

Be scholarly. Now, more than ever, it is student-led research, projects, and initiatives that have the greatest impact on our community. Become involved. Provide a fresh stance on the issue.

Be skillful. At this University, you all thrive in your own niches. Each player is important. Use your talents to not only advance your cause but the cause of the Trojan spirit. It is in times like these when problem solving is three-dimensional and complex. The task does not rest solely on scientists, but journalists, businessmen and women, lawyers, musicians.

Be courageous. This is a time of strife for all of us. Do not give in to fear, panic, confusion. Continue to Fight On.

Finally, be ambitious. Challenges are a double-edged sword. In the face of danger, they offer an unparalleled opportunity for personal, professional, and societal growth. Seize this occasion.

I trust that you will all, as you always have, carry on with these ideals in mind and keep the Trojan spirit close to your heart. As a community, I have no doubt that we will tackle this problem head-on with remarkable success.

September 13, 2013
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Monday, September 30, 2013

Daily Trojan: Leaked Photos from Keck Report on September 9, 2013

Warning: includes sensitive material and images that may be perceived as offensive to some parties. 

Two days ago, a statement was released by Keck School of Medicine that basically reinforced the idea that nobody knows what is going on. Or does it?

At a private institution there is always the fear of how privileged information gets disseminated. There is a hierarchy and as students, we are (despite what the Administration says) at the bottom of the totem pole. Don't pretend like you haven't seen the nervous professors and big shots getting Uber-ed off campus to secure locations. We all feel New-North quarantine struggle. There are only so many Cups of Noodle left under our beds.

But we have the right to know, a right we cannot forget. 

Over the past 24 hours the Daily Trojan Staff has been working hard to follow through on your right, to declassify the classified. To give the power back to the people. Below are several of the findings from this effort.

Sample 1. Taken from Keck Virology Report on Project TRFV.
Sample 2. Taken from Keck Virology Report on Project TRFV.
Here are some excerpts from the report that we could decode.

"...pink squamous cells...likely harmed...cause unknown."

"Magenta smooth muscle strip...[omitted]...lethal."

"...the disparity between coloration in Sample 1 and Sample 2...direct indication of virus presence."

"Purple coloration highly unusual."

"...ratio of dark staining to light staining...possible cure."

"Sample 1 reacted [omitted] when antibiotics were applied...this chain of events is considered telling."

"...presence of a large white spot...raises concern."

"Needle in Sample 2 is pointing...potential mutation..."

"Sample 3 not included in report due to controversial nature." 

"This study has been conclusive."

As members of the student body, we find several of those words and phrases very alarming. Lethal. Unusual. Cause unknown. Possible cure. Concern. Mutation. Conclusive. And to think that there is a third sample somewhere floating around out there with information that could possibly lead to something more? 

The student body has been left to wallow in ignorance and sickness. The time is now to act. Demand more information. Demand assistance. Follow the Daily Trojan in our quest to overthrow the tyrannical and hierarchical Administration. FIGHT ON!

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Daily Trojan: Opinion Piece: It's in the Lemonade

Greetings, loyal readers.

You would think this is our Halloween posting or something. But it ain't October yet, folks, and by the looks of it, you won't have much of a choice for your costume this season. There will be more devils than usual on the row this year.

If you don't live under a rock, you are probably pretty freaked out by this whole "Trojan Fever" thing. If you haven't heard of it, hide your kids, hide your wife, because this thing is taking over the campus.

Now, my friends used to call me a bit of a conspiracy theorist. I'll admit, I've had my ups and downs with Illuminati imagery in Lady GaGa songs and Disney movies, but I swear this is 100% based in fact. And, if it is worth it to note, all my friends are running around campus with horns on their heads like lunatics.

You want to know how the disease is spread? Engemann Student Health Center sure isn't helping. You think Keck can solve this? Yeah right. This is probably all the doing of the Administration because they want to try to teach us a lesson after our most recent ranking. But maybe not. All I know for sure is that something smells...like freshly baked goods and delicious portions. 

I'm talking about Lemonade

I've done my fair share of research into all the different treatment plans--I'm not about to get an exorcism or anything, we don't live in a cursed Midwestern corn field. I've seen the crazies jump in the fountain, jump out, still hiccuping like they need a gallon of peanut butter. I don't believe it for a second.

How, you may ask, can I observe these things so casually? Aren't I laughing uncontrollably like a maniac? Personally, I prefer a nice chuckle.

Between you and me, this whole "Trojan Fever Ghost Spirit Apocalypse" is easily beat. You know how people used to say "an apple a day keeps the doctor away"? Well, substitute apple with a lemonade from Lemonade and doctor with the freakiest disease to ever reap destruction on the planet and you've got my life. 

Pick a flavor, any flavor, because I've been drinking one a day and I have yet to hiccup or sprout a weird horn. Bonus: they look really good on Instagram (gotta get those likes, or the world really will end). 


Tommy Trojan reporting, September 17, 2013.
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Breaking: Keck School of Medicine Release Statement: September 7, 2013



Dr. McMahon looks at viral samples under a light microscope.

After numerous requests from the Engemann Student Health Center at the University of Southern California, the Keck School of Medicine began investigating what has been popularized as the "Trojan Fever". Though critical information currently remains unknown, a representative from the Office of Research Advancement stated:

"We at Keck are taking this very seriously. Currently the project is top priority at our lab. While we have made several advancements, further statements will be released once the results of initial experiments have been verified."

Reports are expected to be publicized by September 15th, according to the Keck website. Below is a screen clipping of their recently updated Research Page with the announcement.


University Press. September 7, 2013.

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Sunday, September 29, 2013

DPS Report: Fountain Hopping



09/01/2013- 09/31/2013
University of Southern California 
Department of Public Safety Monthly Incidence Report

09/18/2013



09/19/2013




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DPS Reports 9/01/2013 - Ongoing



09/01/2013
University of Southern California 
Department of Public Safety Monthly Incidence Report





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Saturday, September 28, 2013

Huehuecóyoti: Dormant under the Dormitories?




According to centuries old legend, Huehuecóyoti is the ancient god of dance and mischief in these lands. They say he needs no rhythm to dance because it merely dances to the hearts beats emmanating from his bag of horrors, that his dance is so beautiful one goes blind, deaf, and paralyzed just by seeing it, and that morning dew is merely the sweat of all of Huehuecóyoti dancing.

From the ancient Aztec codec, Huehuecóyoti is a beast composed of dancing coyotes with human hand and feet, followed by a trail of human drivers to quench his insatiable thirst for rhythm. Nestled in the orange groves of Southern California, his home was a vast dance floor with the moon as a discoball and stars as lasers to keep the night bumping. The locals knew to merely provide sacrifices to Huehuecóyoti in the afternoon, as his dancing continued throughout the night and early morning. In fear of angering the god, the locals presented offerings of potted water and fruit, easily digested and eaten on the dance floor.



His dance continued till the arrival of the Spanish. With no offerings, the god soon lay dormant, exhausted by his own vice.

Mayan Indian Drums of Honduras by Drums of the World on Grooveshark
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